Why do children rebel?
Children don’t naturally defer to authority and many societies understand this concept. In some traditional agrarian societies, they recognized that children have irrational impulses and let them live without restraint until a certain age (5 – 7 years old). In other hunter-gatherer societies, adults gave their children responsibilities and a high degree of autonomy, so they do not have any reason to rebel. Their society is built on mutual trust, support, and an egalitarian style of parenting where children have autonomy to carry out their social responsibilities.
Is it a matter of authority?
When parents exercise power over their children, they do not always unreasonably or randomly rebel. We have to consider the context in which parents exercise power.
Researchers conducted a study on 4 – 7 year old children to learn more about when they thought parental intervention was justified. Through fictional scenarios, researchers found that most children accepted parental intervention for antisocial behavior (like stealing). Interestingly, across all ages over 90% of the children believed that it was okay to defy parental intervention regarding personal choices- the children believed they had a right to and were happy to do so.
Children are more likely to listen to directives about health and safety, but believe it is morally justifiable to rebel about personal choices (such as what activities and friends they are involved with).
Remember rebellious behavior is not innate
Practice authoritative (not to be confused with authoritarian) parenting
The main difference between these parenting styles is how parents exercise authority. Do they demand strict obedience through threats and punishments? Or do they provide a balance of discipline and positive behavior support to foster their child’s autonomy? Studies show that children are more likely to recognize their parents as a legitimate source of authority if they practice authoritative parenting. These parents respect their child’s opinions while logically making fair judgements- this fosters a sense of mutual respect and legitimate authority.
Encourage cooperation through empathy
Fostering your toddler’s sense of agency and ability to empathize are key skills for cooperation. Children ultimately rebel because their personal needs clash with the needs of others (namely their parents). By encouraging empathy, autonomy, and rational thinking from a young age, children are better equipped to think constructively and come up with compromises and solutions instead of senselessly rebelling.
One last word
As your child gets older, they will demand (and rightfully deserve) more autonomy, responsibility, and respect. Authoritarian tactics only work for a limited time, at some point you need to let go and be confident that your child will make reasonable choices. If parents continue to excessively intervene in their childrens’ decisions, they may cast themselves as an illegitimate source of authority and strain their parent-child relationship.
Sources
https://www.parentingscience.com/why-kids-rebel.html
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