A common misconception is that all types of praise benefit your child. Although parents praise their children with good intentions in mind, there are a few things to keep in mind to avoid any negative implications.
Process praise acknowledges your child’s efforts and actions while doing a task. We recommend process praise because it promotes perseverance when your child is faced with challenges. Also, it promotes a growth theory of intelligence that suggests we have the ability to improve ourselves through sheer effort.
Parents should also praise their children for any prosocial behavior (any behavior intended to help others). Encouraging and praising this behavior can help your child develop social and interpersonal skills. Studies also showed that children praised for prosocial behavior were twice as likely to help others and developed better social skills at later ages.
Keep in mind
Excessive and exaggerated praise can come off as insincere and sets an unrealistically high standard. Young children may not understand, but as they mature, children might begin to fear losing your respect. As a result, they will run from failure, miss out on invaluable learning opportunities, and may not learn as much overall as a child who has experienced failures.
Excessive praise can affect your child in different ways depending on self-esteem levels:
- Low self esteem: prone to fear failure
- Average self esteem: often saw their self-esteem worsen
- High self esteem: became narcissistic
Praise your child for the things they do, not things they can’t control.
This type of praise often comes in the form of praise about talent, giftedness, and intelligence. Parents not only promote the idea that intelligence is predetermined and cannot be changed through effort, but also sets an unrealistic standard, which their child may struggle to maintain. Instead, remember to praise your child for their efforts and situations where they have made a difference.
Don’t praise/reward your child for doing things they enjoy.
It’s fine to occasionally praise your child for doing something that they enjoy (for example eating their favorite vegetable), but avoid doing this too often. Over-praise (especially with slightly older children) might signal to them that there’s something wrong with what they are doing. Experiments found that praising your child for eating a food they already like makes them like that food less.
Don’t praise your child for being better than others
Instead of focusing on social-comparison praise, we should use mastery praise. Social-comparison praise only works if your child continues to be better than their peers. Furthermore, it does not give your child any clear feedback on how they did and how they can improve. Social comparison praise reinforces the message that being better than others is more important than true mastery of a skill. Instead, we should encourage children to push their boundaries, take risks, and face challenges head on, even if it means failing.
Sources
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3833365/
https://www.parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise.html
https://www.awmi.net/reading/teaching-articles/effects_praise/
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