As parents, we want our children to be generous, kind, and cooperative with others. We may think we can help children learn these skills by making them share with others. However, many educators now believe that forcing children to share does not actually teach the lessons we intend.
Why shouldn’t I force my child to share?
- Respect and child agency
By forcing your child to share a toy that is rightfully theirs, you are undermining their sense of agency. We should foster every child’s sense of agency because it impacts their physical and cognitive development. Parents should actively listen to their children; this way they perceive that their opinion is valued, validated, and has influence on others.
- A generation of entitlement
As the old adage goes: “Your right to swing your arms ends just where another man’s nose begins.” Why does one child’s wishes make them entitled to another child’s toy? When you force your child to share, you imply that others are entitled to their belongings just because they want it. As a result, your child might believe that other children are more important than them.
- They are not developmentally ready to share
Just like empathy, sharing is a skill that is modelled and practiced over time. Maybe your child is just not ready to share (according to Piaget)- and that’s perfectly fine. We cannot expect a selfish toddler to magically transform into a mature, rational, and emotionally intelligent being overnight.
How you can encourage your child to share
- Model sharing behavior and explain why you are sharing
- Compliment others when they are sharing (this could be a sibling, a friend’s child, a classmate etc)
- When your child does share, make sure to compliment them; emphasize how “good” they are for sharing (this will help model positive behavior)
At the end of the day, we want our children to share because they want to, not because they feel obligated to. Child-directed sharing can empower your little one to develop independent skills necessary for a happy, healthy life.
Sources
https://www.scarymommy.com/kids-sharing/
https://www.scarymommy.com/stop-forcing-kids-share/
https://www.tutortime.com/blog/2021/03/don-t-force-kids-to-share—lessons-learned-during-playtime/
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