Over two thirds of children undergo periods of temper tantrums, especially during the toddler period. In psychology, any acts of defiance, aggression, and acting out are called externalizing behaviors. We have mentioned how to effectively discipline your toddler, but how can we reduce the likelihood of externalizing behaviors altogether?
Be responsive to your baby’s cries
Basic aversive behaviors like crying are part of every baby’s human instinct- it’s the most effective way to communicate their needs. If parents are responsive to their baby’s needs, babies move away from crying to more prosocial behaviors. Ignoring your baby’s cries is not only detrimental to forming a secure attachment, but also reinforces even more negative behaviors.
Some parents believe that this method is effective. This may be true in the short term, but numerous studies have shown that this approach causes a self-reinforcing cycle of more resistant and adverse behavior, followed by harsher parenting strategies.
Build supportive family relationships
The easiest way to do so is through positive parenting. Keep the overall tone of the parent-child relationship as warm and supportive, but make sure to draw a bottom line against aggressive or antisocial behavior. When possible, let small misbehaviors go, but make sure your child clearly understands that aggression is unacceptable. Some studies have found child aggression to be a predictor of adult violence and juvenile delinquency.
Foster healthy parent-child relationships through authoritative parenting (not to be confused with authoritarian parenting). In these relationships children are more likely to recognize their parents as trustworthy sources of authority. Authoritative parents respect their child’s opinions while being fair and rational- this inspires a sense of mutual respect and legitimacy, which reduces conflict.
Set realistic expectations
Remember that your child… is still a child with developing self-regulation and social emotional skills. In order for them to learn and grow, parents need to create opportunities for them to succeed. Establish clear, realistic expectations from the get go while creating opportunities for your children to make positive choices. Doing so helps develop your child’s sense of agency, while teaching them about social success. In the case where tempers flare, it’s important to talk about your child’s emotions and how they work. This helps your children understand their emotions, and how to control them.
Sources
https://www.parentingscience.com/behavior-problems-disruptive.html
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2607043/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1617081/
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